Sometimes when the world seems a little sour to me I just cook. When I am cooking I can forget all the other stuff. I am good at cooking, so I have no doubts about myself when I am in the kitchen. There’s just me and the sounds and smells of cooking. There are no real limitations; I can add or subtract as I like. I dont say the wrong thing and I dont have to answer to anyone. I am in my world, one I understand.
Sometimes I just get sick of myself, I get sick of the treadmill and the restrictions. I want to change everything or change the place I live or run away and just keep going but….. I have responsibilities, I have a son and I have a cat, who is currently sick. Just one more thing to worry about. I’ve been in such a spin in the last week that I just keep cooking and writing recipes and trying to do the things I love but I am disheartened and unsure of myself. I think I need a big sleep, but I don’t have time.
During the frenzy, I made a this lemon loaf cake 4 times. Each time I thought the texture was not quite right. I changed this and that and still I found it wasn’t what I wanted, although the flavour was perfect, the texture was wrong. You can imagine with so many of them around the kitchen I was then stressing about waste and people that were starving until I came to the conclusion that this was going to be the world’s next banana bread. I put it in the pan with a little butter and its texture transformed into the most beautiful lemon bread. I put it in the toaster and it was good but , oh how that frypan just transformed it.
I added a couple of other bits to keep it company and I can tell you that this IS the ultimate brunch/ breakfast bread. It is just the one thing that was very clear to me. It made me feel like I should smile. Passionfruit can usually make me smile too, and I discovered that added to a spoosh of maple syrup the potential to see past the clouds was possible .
What really got me here, being able to write this, what really pulled me out of the depths and away from shedding tears of self pity, was when my nearly past teens son put his arms around me and gave me a hug….and said, “It will be all right Mum”. In that minute I felt sad but so happy and so very thankful to just be alive and feel loved.
- 225 gm plain flour 1 1/2 cups
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 200 gm yoghurt 1 cup
- 200 gm caster sugar
- 3 eggs
- 1 tablespoon zest
- 125 ml oil vegetable
- 60 ml lemon Juice 3 Tablespoons
- 1 tablespoon basil sliced finely then chopped across the other way.
- 250 gm mascarpone
- 1 teaspoon icing sugar
- 2 whole passionfruit approx 4 Tablespoons
- 1-2 tablespoons real maple syrup
- 1 recipe microwave lemon curd
Find the recipe for 10 minute microwave lemon curd here